Philosophy over coffee

2008: The Year That Was.

In Life Matters, Size: Venti on January 3, 2009 at 9:05 am

I’m sure it’s not just me.

As I watched the millions of people in Times Square count down the remaining moments of 2008 on New Year’s Eve, I felt a sense of excitement just like they did too.  Just like I did last year. And the year before…and the year before that. It wouldn’t be insane to think that it is innate for people to feel a sense of new hope as one year draws to a close, every single year.  Whether it is with fireworks or in a bar with friends or just staying home being accompanied by Carson Daly as the world counts down with New York, we choose to be optimistic. Of course it is no guarantee that the optimism would come realized, but between being positive and negative it just makes perfect sense to choose the former.  Whatever our hopes are, we always look forward to a better year or even just a good one particularly when what we just had revolved around broken dreams, shattered hearts, and quiet and uneventful moments.  It is human nature to seek for more. More money, more friends, more luck in love; better job, better relationships, better life.  I’m sure there were so much more hopes and prayers sent out to the winds with the departing 2008.


I did not have a 401(k) whose value was cut in half by the crisis, nor did I have investments with Bernie Madoff.  But I am as hopeful for 2009 as perhaps every single Madoff investor, retiree, trader, and investor who threw in the towel after such a horrendous and historic 2008.  I did finish graduate school on a very positive note but what ensued was not quite positive. After more than five months of job search, I am still one of the unemployed.  No, it is not a consolation that many more are becoming just like me. With so much time on my hand for TV, I recently decided to register for CFA’s 1st level exam to be taken in June.

Living in the suburbs could only emphasize that quiet as I may seem to people, I am far from wanting to live a peaceful and slow life. For me, there is much to be desired from the frequently irritating car horns blowing one after the after, the noise made by chattering people and the tapping of women’s high-heeled shoes, the loud music resounding from the nearby coffee shop, or the chats, laughs, and screams made by partying people as if the loud 80s playing on their stereos weren’t enough.  I long for the busy, fast lifestyle of being in a city. Having so much spare time, being where I am, also doesn’t help when thoughts- unnecessary and rather confusing, cross my mind several times every single day.  Considering how much of a fool I could be, perhaps I am better of listening to a friend. Kellda, a college friend and barkada, said several times it’s not a good idea. Not her direct words, it’s stupid. When I am all the way here, it doesn’t make sense to be thinking about things that are all the way at the other of the world. She even warned about slapping and punching me when she sees me for even thinking about it.

With so many things that got me worried in 2008, I am ready for 2009. I choose to be more hopeful about landing a job.  Sleep all day? Done with that. Friends have been very supportive and that certainly helped making me feel that good things are about to come.  They’ve provided additional confidence I suppose I needed just when I decided to step aside and almost waved the white flag.  I could only hope that with good feelings about how things are going, my hopes won’t simply turn to dust and just vanish.

Having spent so much time as a bum, I am ready to hit the books scary as they may be and just think about the bigger picture.  Keeping in mind the ultimate goal, I will yet again attempt to find the discipline I had in grad school to bring this to a success.  Three years might be a long time but only by remembering the reasons- big and small- why I am doing this could I find the motivation to keep pushing.  I believe.

So far, the past 5 months may be the considered the most unproductive, unaccomplished I’ve been. Break are good but perhaps the next time I get another break, 2-3 weeks at the most are sufficient.  Five months is much too much; I could only be excited about breaking the monotony.

And Kellda would no longer need to slap and punch.  I am sending the thoughts away. At least try. Even my 2009 forecast agrees: steer away from those thoughts.  I’ve spent so much time thinking about it it isn’t funny anymore.  I’ve reduced myself to something I shouldn’t have. Allowing time to be the decider might simply be the best solution.  And… well, let it be. For now there won’t be the greatest story ever told or four seasons of loneliness. Only good riddance. And the motivation to win. So please, don’t stop the music.

Obama made me not want to hear or say the word “change” anymore… I’d rather just take some lines from a song. Quite not the context of the song but it works on its own.

Ain’t it funny how you think you’re gonna be OK till you remember things ain’t never gonna be the same again?

Aint’ it crazy how you think you’ve got your whole life planned just to find that it was never ever in your hand?

Change…

You don’t see it coming when the future comes knocking.

It can make you or break you too.

You’d just have to make it through.

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