Philosophy over coffee

The Artist

In Life Matters, Size: Venti on November 3, 2008 at 12:24 am

November 12 marks my third month of finding my luck in landing a job in the financial industry. While there are million others going through the same experience as me, it’s utterly difficult to take consolation in that while I see others continuously leave their marks one firm after another. It has been more than two years since I graduated with my undergraduate degree. Since then, I’ve made a lot of decisions, which at times I doubt were the best ones I’ve made. Certainly there are perks one could take out of those experiences. I’ve also believed for some time that things happen for a reason. However, it is particularly difficult to dig deep for reasons when one deals with frustrations.

When you’re in that very moment of disappointment, of frustration, of questioning, you very well know that answers could only arrive in time. That no matter how much you seek for them, it is the unfolding of events that help you figure things out. Piece by piece, the events let you understand why so and so happened. But in the meantime, you are stuck. You could try to make sense of things but comfort is never completed unless they are matched with often unanticipated events and experiences that help you confirm your initial beliefs.

When I look at things, my only take-aways are first, that I finally know what I want or at least I’m 95% there. No doubts as to law, medicine, or whatnot is what is for me. Second (this just coming fresh off of my friend’s thoughtful brain), perhaps I wouldn’t have developed this level of interest in finance had I stayed in the Philippines. When once an interviewer asked me if the risks I took in studying public policy paid off, I immediately thought and said they did. I probably wouldn’t have had so much time to devote to learning about the stuff I know now if I were back home- simply because there would have been many others distracting me. I used to have deep interest; now I have passion and that’s one of the biggest I could take away from this.

Third, I did realize that finding out what one really wants could indeed be a pain-in-the-ass, long, and tedious process. Maybe it is admirable that for many people, they get their answers early on, without having to go through nine long months of working where the heart isn’t present, followed by more than 15 months of further education and socializing that could only confuse one further. For many, the answer lies right there and then. Yet I also realized that regrets are not when we convince ourselves we made the wrong decisions, but when we choose not to look at the upsides of those decisions.

It has been almost three months now since I began the bloody process of writing, re-writing, editing, revising, submitting, and re-submitting cover letters and resumes. I cannot say how many more months I am willing to wait and stay in the land of dreams for my OWN dreams to come true. At the moment, I am just one of those people who constantly try and wait for their own big breaks. Wherever I find myself two, six , twelve months from now, I can only guarantee I’ll always carry with me the dream of living my passion and the hopes of living that dream. Just like the artist who travels with his guitar from one town to another, hoping and waiting for that moment when it’s time for him to hit the spotlight and play for the rest of the world.

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