Is it wrong to ever wish we didn’t have what we have now? The talents, the intelligence, the blessings.  If only because there is something satisfactory about not having to deal with pressure and big hopes and dreams.  And maybe opting for the simpler life, absent expectations, the pressure, and the big dreams that only set us up for a big fall when we don’t reach it, maybe the simpler life is the better life.

Well, it’s not like we had the option to choose anyway.

It’s been a week since I got back. And I’m sick. In my more than 1 year in the US, or almost 2.5 years if we are to ignore the month or two I flew back home for a short vacation, I have never fallen ill. So my family, I joked: I don’t belong here. And I truly refuse to believe otherwise. It was probably something so shallow as the better weather or so deep as the exhilirating experience of being alone, of independence, which from the moment I entered the national airport in January of 07 for my first ever trip alone has already provided that feeling. Somehow, I feel that this isn’t my place. Or have I simply changed?

Months after my last post, I was inspired to ponder on this, yet again, after reading a friend’s blog. This apparently is not the first time I have thought about it; my friend Belle can attest to the incessant ranting I’ve done, which I think in itself is a sign of my difficulty coming to terms with the fact that my old life awaits me. From my friend’s post, I picked up she did not completely feel settled despite having lived in Europe for around 2 years. With that, I once again thought, why does it seem like those who don’t want it as much as I do get them, while I don’t? Or is it only that I have not experienced exactly what they have that makes it impossible for me to conclude the same?

I am turning 24. With a Master’s degree and then some. Yet I still don’t feel accomplished.  The idea is to get a job and do something. But I am held back by the thought of considering any job done an “accomplishment”.  It seems like my definition has evolved (or it probably has been the same all throughout) – that accomplishment comes with a string of many other things, not limited by simply getting a job.  Or THE job, whatever that is. It has come to mean having THE job, being elsewhere, and living independently within my own means (it doesn’t help continuously being funded by parents).

With things not going my way, I can’t help but feel that Lady Luck is not on my side. And I question when she will ever be. I could only hope I don’t grow cynical, just like others have. There is enough cynicism in my system, I’d like to think. I am already plagued by the idea that I may have made the wrong turns in life. That instead of going left, I turned right and instead of following this path, I followed that. Then again, I thought, have I simply been too impatient, deciding to rush things with the hopes of having the dream standing right in front of me in an instant? It doesn’t help when people my age (or younger) have already done what I’ve always wanted (or what I think I would like to do). I could only question when my time would come, or if at all it would. Knowing I am not fully in control of my life, I could only begin to question what the plan is for me.

In 2 weeks’ time, I am scheduled to fly back to the Philippines. Apart from leaving the place I got used to, it is also the little things that would make leaving more difficult. It’s not completely horrible, but I suppose there are things that just completely set my life here apart from my life back home.

• There will no longer be the CNBC which I’ve come to love. I suppose I’d have to ask my parents to subscribe to the premium service or whatever it is that would get me that network; we only have Bloomberg.
• There will no longer be the Financial Times that gets delivered to me every day.  I am considering just subscribing to the online version of the Wall Street Journal, which is much less expensive.  Apparently, being a non-student already strips me off of the discount students get from subscribing to the FT (print – $109 vs. some $350 a year). Also no Barron’s.
• Easily, going back means letting go of the opportunity with presumably the better job prospects in Finance/Econs. But I can only promise that that would only be for the meantime. I ain’t giving up on that.
• Odd hours, if at all there’s any, for sports. Football – American and the real thing Tennis would probably be more amenable.

Seeing that this post was started on May 3, and now it is the 24th, I figured it might be better leaving this post unfinished. Just as I believe, unrealistic as it may be, that I don’t have to get used to another kind of life – the old ways of my life. It is only a matter of time before I find what I’m truly looking for.

From Huffington Post comes What Do a Rabbit, Colored Eggs, and Candy Have to Do With Jesus? The History of Easter Revealed by Kari Henley:

It turns out the celebrations of modern Easter’s egg-toting-rabbit evolves from a mythic German goddess named Ostara, (Oestre / Eastre) who was the Germanic Goddess of Springtime. According to the Encycolopedia Mythica:

“In ancient Anglo-Saxon myth, Ostara is the personification of the rising sun. In that capacity she is associated with the spring and is considered to be a fertility goddess. She is the friend of all children and to amuse then she changed her pet bird into a rabbit. This rabbit brought forth brightly colored eggs, which the goddess gave to the children as gifts. From her name and rites the festival of Easter is derived.”

All other European words for “Easter” derive from the Hebrew word “pasah,” to pass over, thus reflecting the Christian holiday’s Biblical connection with the Jewish Passover. I find it ironic the holiest day in the Christian faith, dedicated to celebrating the Son of God, is named after a goddess.
According to www.godchecker.com: Ostara was very popular with the Anglo-Saxon people, who worshiped her under the name Eostre.

At least now I have a bit of a better understanding of this whole Easter-Risen Christ-bunny-egg hunt connection.  The writer was right; at times, I wondered about the whole connection but never really bothered to find the connection.

After all these years
After all these tears between us
Still I couldn’t find
Someone half as right as you

And each time I stop to think
What it is I really need

Heres what I conclude
All I really need is you

Just say what you want to say
You don’t have a chance in the world
Can I, knowing how I’ve tried
Still come close to losing you when you are my world

Have I spent so many nights
Trying but in vain to tell you
Don’t you know it’s true
All I really need is you

——————

Ah, this sucks. YOU have no idea.

Found something interesting about the Earth Hour on March 28th, observed in hundreds of cities around the world.  This event began in 2007 in Sydney, Australia as a way to vote against global warming.  Turning off the lights for an hour could serve as one’s vote, whether a tourist spot or simply a household, for the earth.  Further info from the official website:

Earth Hour began in Sydney in 2007, when 2.2 million homes and businesses switched off their lights for one hour. In 2008 the message had grown into a global sustainability movement, with 50 million people switching off their lights. Global landmarks such as the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, Rome’s Colosseum, the Sydney Opera House and the Coca Cola billboard in Times Square all stood in darkness.

In 2009, Earth Hour is being taken to the next level, with the goal of 1 billion people switching off their lights as part of a global vote. Unlike any election in history, it is not about what country you’re from, but instead, what planet you’re from. VOTE EARTH is a global call to action for every individual, every business, and every community. A call to stand up and take control over the future of our planet. Over 74 countries and territories have pledged their support to VOTE EARTH during Earth Hour 2009, and this number is growing everyday.

See the many cities that observed Earth Hour: H-E-R-E. Click the photos and have javascript enabled to see the effects.

For everyone who uses Gmail, they are probably aware of the little icon on the upper right linking to gmail labs, where one can see the add-on features developed by the Gmail peeps.  Some of the things found there are good, some are just not as useful.   However, with the time I spend on Twitter lately, I found one “tweet” about this Gmail feature that I thought was genius. I’m not sure how useful it’s gonna be, but when I found out about it I was impressed.

Have you ever found yourself sending an email only to find out it was the wrong address or there was some unforgivable error contained in the text? Gmail seemed to have found a solution to that. It’s the Undo Send feature. However, after sending, of course you don’t have forever to withdraw the email.  After about 5 seconds or so, that “Undo Send” link that appears after sending will disappear. So you better be quick.

A pair of polar bears were born in Rhenen, Netherlands yesterday and they’re adorable. Taking some photos from the Telegraph web, see them after the jump. (I didn’t want to shrink the photos just to fit the narrow space on this page).

See the rest of the photos HERE.

Well, not when you’re stupid.

Find out why, after the jump.

Found this from another blog. Some guy who got offered a job posted this (tweeted) on Twitter:

But while he might have been smart enough to be offered a job by Cisco, some from the firm are just smarter than him.  Spot this: Both occurring 13 hours ago (from the writing of this post). Cisco peeps are indeed “versed in the web.”