Is it wrong to ever wish we didn’t have what we have now? The talents, the intelligence, the blessings.  If only because there is something satisfactory about not having to deal with pressure and big hopes and dreams.  And maybe opting for the simpler life, absent expectations, the pressure, and the big dreams that only set us up for a big fall when we don’t reach it, maybe the simpler life is the better life.

Well, it’s not like we had the option to choose anyway.

RIP Cory Aquino

Questioning

It’s been a week since I got back. And I’m sick. In my more than 1 year in the US, or almost 2.5 years if we are to ignore the month or two I flew back home for a short vacation, I have never fallen ill. So my family, I joked: I don’t belong here. And I truly refuse to believe otherwise. It was probably something so shallow as the better weather or so deep as the exhilirating experience of being alone, of independence, which from the moment I entered the national airport in January of 07 for my first ever trip alone has already provided that feeling. Somehow, I feel that this isn’t my place. Or have I simply changed?

Months after my last post, I was inspired to ponder on this, yet again, after reading a friend’s blog. This apparently is not the first time I have thought about it; my friend Belle can attest to the incessant ranting I’ve done, which I think in itself is a sign of my difficulty coming to terms with the fact that my old life awaits me. From my friend’s post, I picked up she did not completely feel settled despite having lived in Europe for around 2 years. With that, I once again thought, why does it seem like those who don’t want it as much as I do get them, while I don’t? Or is it only that I have not experienced exactly what they have that makes it impossible for me to conclude the same?